Its hard to imagine another year has passed me by. Good old Facebook, even though I barely touch the thing reminds me as I receive a photo upload from Reuben and I on our Wildride through europe on the wild girl. This time last year we rode her through France, Spain, Italy, Andorra, and Slovenia, but not before she spent some time sitting on the side of the road not wanting to move at all. Broken down, just like our new woman, our lady sprinter has and probably alot like we do sometimes as we need to take a break, work on ourselves, rewire the bits that need updating and hit the road roaring again.
Ive definitely done my fair share of sitting on the side of the road, broken down the effects of my mental state and just working out how to be a decent human causing me to shut down from life for a while but while I have never given up on myself to find ways to get myself back to good health and I believe the Lady Sprinter will too. I aint given up on her, shes got too many adventures in front of her. So do I. And boy am I ready.
Looking back over the past year there has been so much change for me. A total update of myself both inside and out. Maybe some of you have recognised it, but I feel like Ive stepped into this newer greater more empowered version of myself. My constant breakdowns and need for repair has left me searching in every corner both inside and outside of myself so desperate in fact to find my own way into deeply loving myself with all my darkness that I have turned over every rock to do it. every single rock. Thats desperate right? Theres not a nickle I would have not spent if it needed to in my search nor a limb wouldnt have given if i needed to. I was the most desperate Ive ever been to work on my shit that I layed out all and bared all. And boy have I been blessed.
Well I say fuck yeah to my days of being so desperate so close to the edge that it almost took me over, because of that i sit here writing this smiling. Im smiling because at some stage through the desperation and search i fell in love. I fell in love with me, in all my darkness. I wish i could say it was as easy as waking up one morning and BING I was suddenly all ooooh I love you so much, and well to be honest it kind of did happen that way. But not because of that day that I decided to get up and love the shit out of myself, it was the constant searching and seeking to find answers to get to the bottom of things to work out how I could work better as a human that got me to that great day. The great work of the teachers the Wizard, Vika and Kerry who came into my life not to mention the wise friends I carry in my pocket and the journey of healing that they lead me on that I will no doubt slowly share with you within my stories as I begin to journey through this again. But for now this next story of an adventure is about to begin. And it is starting off with such excitement because of the great journey that has just been for me. I already know that although I willl still have my ups and downs as my illness still lives whata I have learnt in acceptance and the growth that has occured has already set me up for an advenuture that will have quite a different note. And that is one of far more joy. Yep far more joy.
Sadly for the Lady Sprinter although the beginning of her journey began with Reuben working hard to kit her out, her driving journey has been short lived as she sat broken down on the side of the highway. For her she will look forward to a good old grease up and will end up back on the road again soon but for Reuben and I only time will tell where this sudden hiccup will send us. But if the last, 20 years have taught me something it’s that life was getting ready to redirect us down a path not planned. The exciting thing was what was going to be on that path only the universe knows.
Wildflower 