DISCLAIMER: this blog is a method of release for me and with that release i hope to let go of some of the great shame I have held through the years as I have dealt with my mental illness, bipolar. I hope to also educate whats its like through my journey and to even help others around me learn how to help me when times are tough. Know that I am ok. Sometimes the darkness is rough but I want to share it all knowing that i have the help I need and Im finding my way through to the light again. With Love Liana
Arrived at deurali at 3200m. Fuck guys it was not a long walk today but after lunch I felt all my power disappearing. I felt like I had nothing to eat but bread. Food was lacking and I are getting pissed. Serves of a crappy take of western food appearing day after day, but my own belly and the family around me killing for nepali food. Dhal bhart where are you?
One of the things im looking forward to in coming home is not having any expectation on you. At all. I have been sitting in a powerful reflection pondering the great expectation we can have on eachother. Especially with those closest to us. Our families, our loved ones, our friends. Maybe this is never you, but it has certainly been me, at times anyway. Reflecting on my own experience this past few months has lead me to look at how we as humans when we are unhappy in our ownselves tend to expect more. I have seen this in myself lately, expecting others to do something for me, or give me something more, without realising I want them to fill whatever is lacking inside me. And when they are not fullfilling me in the way I am expecting them too, insecurities begin to grow and fester. The love for myself becoming lesser and lesser, the empty hole getting bigger and bigger. I should know by now that if Im walking around thinking, I need more hugs, why arent I getting hugs, I am probably sitting in a lack of my own self worth. When I love myself, I am full and there is nothing I need from anyone.
So yay to loving self and knowing that the feeling of lacking for me, is growing from not loving myself. They key now is to notice it happening before I run around telling everyone they arent giving me enough!!! hahahah
Wildflower 