Blessed. Truly

DISCLAIMER:  this blog is a method of release for me and with that release i hope to let go of some of the great shame I have held through the years as I have dealt with my mental illness, bipolar.   I hope to also educate whats its like through my journey and to even help others around me learn how to help me when times are tough.  Know that I am ok.  Sometimes the darkness is rough but I want to share it all knowing that i have the help I need and Im finding my way through to the light again. With Love Liana

I was sitting quietly reading, freezing again in our teahouse, when my family came in. Feeling blessed with this team and this lot will be my last. Yep thats right my last. And why I feel so strongly about that next step for me is becuase of the wonderful conversation we have just been having. Most days we find ourselves deep in conversation talking about all different topics of the world. These kids eyes are open to the world arouund them. Quite often the kids I have at this age are too into their own world to consider whats happening around them. Tonight our topic was the porters and kitchen staff here on our annapura trek. We look out the window, of our teahouse and our staff are no where to be seen. After five days of trekking we know where they are, in the kitchen, busy cleaning and cooking for us. Our conversation turns to what we perceive their lives to be, what their life might be like at home, how old they are, what access to education they have, how they make our trip easier, our experience more memorable, and all the little things they do to try to make our days more comfortable. Like giving us a cup of tea at 6 am in our tent!! Just a few hours ago we passed our porters along the way. Now days the rules of how much they can carry of our gear has changed, but still they are loaded in a way that makes all my kids question and reflect on their own lives. What choices do they have? This conversation taking us all a step into our future as we talked of our own dreams and just how accessible they all are. All of them.

Tonight, Im too tired to say what I would like to in words. But i want you to know that this is my last trip with kids here and I have been truly blessed and blown away by the conversations that have passed our lips these past days. I started off years ago with a group who touched my heart and tonight as I snuggle into my sleeping bag I am grateful I am going out with one as well. Imagine a group of students who are open to everything going on around them, seeeing things for how they are, who are mature enough to sit an observe everything and wiwth that reflect back on their own lives and the lives of those around them. To use what they see around them to help them make better choices in their own lives, while others around them may not get the chance or the choice to do so. To seek understanding and growth and how they can be better people, how they can be the best version of themselves and how we can be better for eachother. We have touched every topic and tonight I feel like I have sat with my travelling family and we have all made a differennce in eachothers lives. Hearing them open their hearts has opened my own and I see clearly my own path that has past and the shining path ahead. Tonight I go to bed knowing that I am walking into my future, my new challenges and I am ready. My heart is joyful that so are these kids and all of them! My path here is ready to be put aside while I challenge myself in new and rewarding ways, Im ready to keep growing again to choose a new path and continue to keep being a better version of myself. All because I have the choice to do so, and with that I dont want to miss it. I want to explore other parts of myself and take paths that may not be so easy because I have been given this life. A very lucky life. Thankyou for our conversations of love my family, thankyou for reminding me of who i am and for being you. xoxoxox