Temple of death

DISCLAIMER:  this blog is a method of release for me and with that release i hope to let go of some of the great shame I have held through the years as I have dealt with my mental illness, bipolar.   I hope to also educate whats its like through my journey and to even help others around me learn how to help me when times are tough.  Know that I am ok.  Sometimes the darkness is rough but I want to share it all knowing that i have the help I need and Im finding my way through to the light again. With Love Liana

For me today, life means taking better care of myself so that I can help take better care of you.  To be there for you in the best version I can be.  To be constant in my self care, taking the time and doing what ever it is thats needed to make me a better operator, to help me continue to shine.  No matter what it takes, no matter what road I need to wonder down, whatever turn needs to be taken.  It is today that I truly understand to do this, is to live.  Ive seen what happens one too many times when my self care becomes last on the list as I deteriorate breaking down like a corpse ever so slowly.  Its a slow death, and when it comes it takes a hell of a life force to get the heart beating again.  I much prefer a strong beating heart.

Today as I watched a body burn, its smoke floating through the air filling our lungs I  understood what I needed to do.  My family and I sat on the steps of the temple of death watching the final stages of the body all thats left after the soul made its final decision to move on.  I wonder if that body when it was up and running was choosing to be brave and do all it could to be the best it could be.  Arent we all doing the best we can to be that brave person in this life? What kind of a life did it have, did it have room for choice, did it have room to live out its desires, its dreams.  I do.  My life has been blessed.